Conundrum

I mentioned Bridget a few times.
When we first met, she was the enigma and I was the outlaw, in the local Buffalo music scene.
She came on with an explosion, creating havoc on the local music scene's message board, and I was a 15 year mainstay in the scene.
Anyhow, pretty girls on message boards are rare and pretty girls with potty mouths and rebel attitudes are rarer still.
So it was natural that we'd end up together, although it didn't start that way.
We barely acknowledged each other for months, while the rest of them either argued about whether or not she even existed and still acted like school boys trying to get her attention.

One night, she made contact, looking for someone to manage her professionally and we met.
It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but we did do the next best thing: became partners in crime, who ruled the music and club scene for almost a year before romance stepped in.

I could write a book about the 6 years of chaotic madness that has gone on since as we point the finger at each other, accusingly.

It's so not worth going into right now, but one thing is for sure. 6 years of chaos, drama, love, loss and two children later and it has to stop.
It's a relationship that books wo0uld be written about, perfect on paper, but terribly flawed in practice.

I'm saddened by the end of it, but I breathe a huge sigh of relief at the same time.
I know at some point, we're not going to be sharing a roof and that really breaks my heart, praying my kids, so young, don't assimilate to another father figure, seeing their mother intimate with another man, and confuse him for Daddy.
Not putting them to bed every night is heart shattering, but at some point you realize why the airlines tell you to put the air mask on yourself first, then your kids.
You can't help anyone if you're dead.
And right now, I'm pretty dead inside. It's asinine that months ago, I was pouring the remnants of a broken heart out and now that heart is empty.
It's a contradiction that I hate to be away from my kids, but I ache for the day I'm on my own so I can breathe again. Even if it only takes a short hiatus, I need to be responsible for myself again, first, before I can be supportive of anyone else.