Of Mice and Madness.....

Ever have one of those days?
It started out as a typical day, interrupted by a morning meeting with the art department and our office manager, who reiterated that Jim is the boss and that everyone had the opportunity to take the position, but we need to respect him.
I guess she forgot about how Matt, the owner played me and Richie, another guy, who has since left, against each other by telling each of us that we were going to run the department. Too bad he forgot to tell us that he had told the other the same thing.
I guess she also forgot that Jim was hired specifically to run the department. Anyhow, I know I didn't make any friends when I Called Jim out for running to her yesterday after mistakenly thinking I was arguing with the receptionist. Or that having to work til 5 every day (Yes, I'm spoiled) is not going to get us caught up. I easily have over a year's worth of projects myself, as do the other 3 people, so we're not going to make up ground by an extra hour everyday.
Beyond that, the day was pretty uneventful.

One cool thing; I finally called Albany, NY DMV to inquire about getting my license back and instead of having a dozen or so tickets preventing that, as I suspected, there's only two.
Two litte tickets and I can have it back. (Insert slapping self in forehead here). Where the rest went is my guess and no one elses to concern themselves with.
All good!

Until this afternoon, when I went to Heartland Behavioral Health Services to sign up for some of those happy pills that most of the country seems to be living on, these days. For some reason, even though my shrink wants me on the drugs, they decided I didn't need them. I guess my story of how my world was falling apart and how I couldn't cope with it, wasn't good enough.
Maybe a few razor cuts across my wrists? And I spent 150.00 for nothing? Like I have that to throw away. And I'm only doing it because I want to get myself straight, which I can do on my own once Bridget is gone, I'm quite sure.

Add that on top of the evolving situation with Bridget and her new boyfriend.
I've been trying to not let myself get too emotionally affected by this, but the last two days have weakened my defenses and it's bothering me.
Not so much that we're apparently done, but more that she just doesn't seem to give a damn about how it's affecting me. Or if it's affecting me. She does that though, not overtly care about the way I feel, ever, and after a whole week and a half, she's pretty much given her heart to this guy, who I would probably like alot myself, if we were friends.
I mean, his heart is in the right place. He's a punk rock legend, who has decided to make it a point to help further her stalled career, and being a fellow extravagant narcissist himself, fits her like a glove.
He's so nice, he gave her a little hoochie skoochie for me, and told her he could get me hired on where he works (He does the same thing I did before I moved to graphic design) AND give me a ride to and from work. I can only imagine the chit chat during the ride.
Look, Bridget and I, we don't work so well. I guess I just can't conform to being accused of causing all the problems in our relationship while she treats me like shit, walks all over me, has no regard for my feelings and expects the world to turn for her, exclusively. Add to that, she has a chip on her shoulder because I had a female friend, whom I texted, not hung out with, not had sex with, not had anything with while she was blatantly cheating on me a few months ago, right after our second daughter was born, and watched me tear my self to pieces over..
But, couldn't she wait until she moved out (or I did) before she fell in love again? Couldn't she show a little consideration towards the six years and two kids we've had together? Or the fact that us splitting basically strands me in Peoria, completely out of my element and away from my home?
Or maybe when I look at who I was when we met, a virtual mirror image of the new dude, and where I am now, broken and listless, I just feel enough resentment to hate her, but enough hopelessness to not want to let go, as if one day, everything will come back around again, and we'll live happily ever after.

Yeah, sure.

By the way.... I'm single!!