Peoria Speaks

The drama, oh, the drama.

Peoria Speaks (PS) is a message board, local to the Peoria, IL area, and is a spin-off from the message boards found at peoria.com (PDC).
It was started by the renegades who, for some reasons or other, had gotten banned from PDC.
When Bridget and I discovered PDC, she was not so well received there, and because we shared an IP address, we were both banned. I did manage to convince the administrators that, since I had no problems there, to allow me to return.
In the interim, we found ourselves invited to PS by one of the honchos from that board, a teacher from East Peoria.
The site is run by a local attorney and has a cast of regulars that cover every part of this area.
I liked that site alot, and was well received and because of the ongoing problems I have with Bridget, who wore her welcome out at PS pretty quick, too, was shown alot of understanding and felt like I was taken in as part of the group.
In theory, this is supposed to be the less judgmental, clique-free, liberal message board, and that's my kind've place.
We got together for a baseball game, I was given the idea to start his blog from the people there, and I just liked everyone.
Little did I know.
As the weeks went by, the people at PDC warmed up to me more, and I made some good friends there too. I believe that this was the root of the animosity that began to surround my presence at PS. The warm welcome was turning into a cold shoulder, which began it's culmination last weekend, when I was invited to a party at the lawyer's beautiful house.
Without going into too many details, several things happened that night.

First, I was asked why I had come to Peoria and I relayed the story of the demise of my trucking company, my early failure at Home Improvement sales, the eviction from our apartment, all leading up to us coming to Peoria.
Apparently, telling the story was a bigger deal to several people at the party, who were not part of the conversation, but had overheard it.

Secondly, Bridget's high school boyfriend, who it turns out lives across the street, showed up.
This is a guy that did bad things to her and my instinctive reaction was to want to kill him, but I didn't. I ignored him, and told the person who let me in on who was know that I was freaking out inside.

Thirdly, towards the end of the night, teacher and others decided it was time to tell me exactly how fucked up I was in my dealing with the situation at home.

Now, none of these things seem like a whole lot, but apparently, they were. Because several days later, I was literally attacked in the PS shoutbox by the teacher, who loves to tell me how fucked up I am by not murdering Bridget in her sleep and hanging the body out by the curb for the world to see. How I'm apparently a wimp, because I choose to try and keep things amicable, instead of building even more anger and hatred between each other.

Over the course of the next few days, I was reminded by the teacher over and over of just how fucked up I am, which culminated in her leaving the deleted comment on my last blog entry, which basically called me an asshole for having Cable TV, when I'm having financial issues.
I don't see cable as a luxury. I have kids, and I never leave the house, so to me, cable is another utility, a necessity, and that's it. It's my choice to pay for cable, and if anyone has a problem with that, then I apologize, but it's my problem, not theirs.
After seeing the comment, I went to PS, and sent the teacher a message asking her to just not acknowledge me or anything I post. Just to basically leave me alone. Then, as I perused the board, I saw she had put up a post apologizing for the shoutbox fight, the week before, but NOT for the comments made since.
Apology acceptance is up to the person who receives the apology, not the person who delivers it. Apologizing is admirable, but it doesn't make the wounds automatically heal. Yet I was lambasted for not immediately accepting her apology and apparently I was supposed to beatify her, which I totally did not do!
But, after a time, I relented, cooled off and apologized back, and then all hell broke loose. Snide, rude comments from the lawyer, from the teacher, and from the board primadonna, the bird lover, who shocked me the most as I have displayed nothing but admiration for this woman.

I will admit right now, that my apology was weak as I really feel that I have nothing to apologize for. I'm constantly told that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what these poor martyrs have endured. Regardless of what anyone HAS gone through, I'm going through it now, and it's not easy, but it makes it worse when your suspected friends go all out to make you feel insignificant. Make you feel that your emotions are not real, or are overblown.

Then today, after a final attempt to apologize and move on, I was told I was banned, although I wasn't and I decided to just leave.

These are my final thoughts to these people:
Teach, you're a bully. As is the case with most bullies, you have shortcomings, and your hobbit-like figure is the least of them. You can't stand to see someone else going through a hardship without making them know that you endured much worse and that they should just grin and bear it. That is selfish and insensitive. I thought we were friends which to me means that no matter what the circumstances are, as a friend, you should be sensitive beyond all else. It's no wonder your best friends are fellow bridge trolls.

Lawyer, you disappoint me the most. You're a lawyer who doesn't understand reason. How is that even possible? You offered me understanding and friendship and then pulled it back the moment I began to depend on it. That's just dirty and shows your true colors as self cengtered bitch, who can't stand it when she doesn't get her way or gets called out.

The both of you and your audacity to tell me how I'm supposed to feel, and react and what I'm supposed to say is pure arrogance and it's disgusting. You don't know me, nor did you ever really want to, which is fine, because now, you never will.

Bird lover, you disappoint me the most, because I held you in very high regard, as a regal, classy lady who knew how to shine, even though I KNEW what you had been through, and your disgusting comments to and about me were uncalled for and a sure sign of ignorance and weakness. I know what goes on in your house. And it's a shame that you call ME a joke. At least you have a nice big house to show off when you're hiding your black eyes and bruises.

You three are the very example of everything you accuse the folks at PDC of being. And as much as you try and make people believe that you don't care about PDC, you sure have a knack for knowing everything that hapens over there as soon as it happens. Pure jealousy and regret are so evident in your actions. You're so wrapped up in your own self-image, that you're not able to see anyone else for they really are. Only for who you want them to be and when they don't fit your vision, you attack.

There are great people on PS that I'm going to miss alot. And that's pretty much everyone I didn't name.
I would have liked to have gotten to know you all better, but that won't happen now.

And, by the way, you're so insecure about yourselves, I give it less than an hour before this blog is talked about between you.